Adoption, take 4!

Well..as I mentioned previously we are onto the domestic list for a little while. Domestic adoption is a completely different ball game. There are a couple of kinds of domestic adoption, private and public.

Private domestic adoption:
Instead of bureaucrats and legal representatives in foreign countries who play a significant role in our adoption, domestically, the birth parents play an important role. Essentially, it is our job as prospective adoptive parents to "get the word out" and then a birth mother who is interested in making an adoption plan reviews our profile and then, if she likes us, selects us for placement. It can be an emotional roller coaster. For example, a birth mother interested in making an adoption plan may be specifically looking for adoptive parents with certain characteristics. These characteristics can include a religious preference, a certain educational level, career preference, or even a specific type of pet. So, a birth mother might have a dream of having her biological child placed with a young-ish couple with two "high energy" [read: crazy] Golden Retrievers. Perhaps, she is interested in having her child parented by a teacher or by a family in a small city. In that case, we are it! It really is about matching the birth parent (s) wish list with the prospective adoptive parents available.


Public domestic adoption:
For many this is the type of adoption they are most familiar with domestically. Each state runs their adoption programs differently. In general, a home study is required, some classes on parenting and awareness of high needs children, and an openness to foster to adopt children. The foster to adopt program is a placement program where the prospective adoptive parents foster a child they may or may not be able to adopt. We are also getting ready to participate in this program in 2009.

For our family and friends, I hope this superficial survey of domestic adoption gives you a sense of how our adoption plan has changed.

Now...onto the next phase..waiting. We have gotten pretty good at that so I am sure I will have time to regale you with stories of quality television, grad school coursework, and a rapidly growing schoolhouse!!

Looking forward to a fantastic 2009!

Where have YOU been???

Well, goodness, it's been awhile! What was supposed to be a brief break in posting because of grad school and work obligations turned into a "blog-sabbatical"! And, to be honest, so much has happened.

To begin with, how the world has changed! We have a newly elected President, a crumbling economy, and an unsure future.

Since then things have changed in our "adoption world" as well. When we last left off we had recently completed our home study and were waiting until Dec. 1 to post our Immigration documents in the mail to the USCIS. After much soul searching, we decided to hold off on pursuing an international adoption from Russia.

There are many reasons, but at this time some potential issues related to Russian adoption preclude us from continuing adopting from Russia. We received a "heads up" notice from our agency that because of the tragic death of a Russian adoptee in Virginia, that there is sense that Russia will be re-evaluating it's international adoption program. I believe the exact phrase was that "the Russians have generally felt 'ambivalent' about international adoption" and may use this incident "to review" and slow international adoption as they examine if placing Russian children with American families is an appropriate option for their children in need. Russia has a history of starting and stopping her international adoption programs during various periods. Therefore, we are hesitant to start the international component of our adoption with this possibility looming.

Now, for those of you who are unfamiliar with our international journey, let me give you some back story. When we first started our adoption process, we researched various countries and determined that Guatemala would be a great fit. We were interested in parenting a young child and the Guatemalan foster system appealed to us. And, then, due to circumstance beyond our control, the US State Department changed the law and forbade American families from adopting from Guatemala. There were some pretty scary allegations regarding the placement of children so this decision while personally disppointing, was made the best in the best interest of the children in Guatemala. maybe.

So, after much disappointment we researched additional countries that fit our profile and decided that Colombia might be a great fit. We attended some webinars and learned as much as we could about adoption in Colombia. We were so excited! But, as Guatemala closed, other Latin American countries experienced a surge in applications. In Colombian international adoption, preference in adoption placement is given (and, rightfully so, in our opinion) to families of Colombian descent. Makes perfect sense, right? However, what this meant for us though, is that the new wait time was over 3 years and some agencies weren't even willing to take new applicants!!!

So...off we went! Looking high and low for another country who would fit our profile. This journey led us to...Vietnam (for those in the adoption community, I can hear your groans). Vietnam is a beautiful country with an amazing adoption community- a social network both locally (we have a tremendous group in our hometown) as well as on the Internet to provide us support and guidance through the process. Now, for those of you NOT in the international adoption community, in order to adopt from Vietnam, there was a Memo of Understanding (MOU) between the US State Department and the Vietnamese government. When we began our adoption process from Vietnam (in January 2008) our adoption agency felt "confident" that there would be no lapse in the MOU despite the Sept. 1 2008 expiration date. They accepted our application for Vietnam and, to be honest-our money- and told us that we were "on our way." Well, then in March 2008, we were notified by our adoption agency that they felt virtually certain that there WOULD be a lapse in the MOU and that we could no longer adopt from Vietnam. To say we were disappointed is an understatement.

Still with me? Yes, that's 0 for 3. But we haven't even gotten to Russia, yet! While we were going through this emotional rollar coaster regarding the international component of our adoption, we were diligently pursuing the domestic requirements. (see previous posts) And, while we felt slightly misled by our international agency, our local domestic agency and social worker had been A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! Because of the trust we had in our local agency, we attended a few face to face seminars with a different international adoption agency. It is at this point that we researched and felt drawn to Russia. On a personal level, I have always found the history and culture of Russia interesting. In particular, I have casually studied both the Orthodox church as well as the government and political environment. I have a special interest in the interconnected web of familial relationships among the varying ruling monarchies during the nineteenth century. In addition, I also have a burgeoning interest in how female heads of state successfully lead countries while navigating various external and internal state pressures. But, I digress. Suffice it to say, Russia felt like a great fit. When a family adopts a child from a country other than the US, there is also a cultural connection between the country and the family. Clearly, I felt connected.

So, off to Russia we went. We applied for and were accepted for the Russia program in the early summer! We were so excited! While the child or children we would bring home would not be an infant (like in Guatemala or Vietnam), we were excited to bring home an older child or children. We were thrilled! Our goal is to parent! And, Russia had just re-opened a few years ago, so we felt that we were within a window where we could reasonably expect the process to go smoothly. Now, not so much. Because of the untimely passing of a Russian adoptee, as I mentioned earlier in this post, the international adoption program in Russia may be under review. I don't have the stomach to be 0 for 4.

So, until we get the "all clear" regarding the situation in Russia,we are pursuing ...domestic adoption. Domestic adoption is a "whole 'nother ball game." More to follow soon....promise.

Lions, Tigers, and Bears, OH MY!

Or, should I say Western Wildcats? We returned home from wonderful weekend back in our hometown late Sunday night. It was Matt's high school reunion (Western High School, known as the "Western Wildcats") so we headed home for a weekend of festivities. We actually went a day earlier than necessary to visit with my grandmother and had such a good time! She has recently moved into an assisted living facility and it is as wonderful as one can be! She has a great apartment and we got to meet her friends during lunch. They even had an art show on Friday afternoon! On Saturday we hung out at the beach (how awesome!) and then out to a restaurant on the Intracoastal (even awesomer!) as part of the reunion festivities.

We met Matt's god daughter for the first time! She is beyond precious! Of course, she had to be pried from my hands to get her bottle and burped! We stayed with my sister so we even got quality time with her! The only thing we missed- Matt's brother and his family! Hopefully, next time we will be able to hook up and visit with each other!!! We seem to only catch each other at weddings!!!!

And, in the "what were we thinking" category, we brought the dogs along! Yes, you read right, Matt, me, and Duke and Raleigh (all 120 pounds of them) packed up the rental SUV (Enterprise didn't know what hit them!) and drove (!) the 7 hours there and back. Oi vay! NEVER AGAIN!!!! They were good for about 4-5 hours, but the last 2 hours each way was beyond brutal. For those of you who don't know, Duke and Raleigh are Golden Retrievers...the breed also known as "velcro" dogs. Typically, at home, this isn't a problem. They love to cuddle up on our feet or sit next to us- making sure to always touch us. Well, imagine what THAT was like in a car! Their primary mission was to figure out a way to sit with us in the front seat. Of course, we have invested in the dog harness safety belts. Unfortunately, Duke and Raleigh demonstrated their "considerable intellectual prowess" and either a) chewed it -apparently the harness' taste delicious or b.) they moved around so much that they get un-harnessed! So, imagine me and Matt yelling, "No! Sit! In the back! Lay down!" every 15 seconds. For the last 2 hours getting there. And, for the last 2 hours coming back. Oh, and then add in the fantastic excitement of.... toll booths!!!! Each toll collector was a potential friend and greeted excitedly with wagging tails and barks of joy. Or, greeted with a watchful and unsure eye and a low "warning sign" bark. We couldn't quite figure out what or who determined the logic behind each response. Regardless, Duke and Raleigh were "on it" and committed to letting everyone on the road know of their presence! Did I mention there are 4 toll booths - each way! Again, lesson learned. Next time we go away..it's "camp canine" for them!

And, did I mention my sister has a cat-a-delicious-never-before-seen-up-close-and-personal gato? We are not sure whether Duke or Raleigh met Gatsby first; however, suffice it to say that Gatsby is NOT a fan of the canine species. Although, Duke and Raleigh would love to see/chase/play with him more often!

Since this IS an adoption blog, I feel compelled to give everyone an update. There is no update. Actually, we have our approved and final copy of our home study in hand and need to send it, our I-600A adoption petition, and our fee to the US Immigration Service for review. Because I have a HUGE project due on Oct. 28 (part I) and Nov. 4 (part II), I probably won't get it Fed Exed before then. The folder is sitting on our dining room table- otherwise known as the "adoption desk" because all of our work seems to be done around it. Once the USCIS processes our application, we will be sent appointment times in Jacksonville. It is necessary to have an appointment because we need to get fingerprinted. I believe these finger prints are run in a national database as part of our background/security check. As a point of information, the finger print clearance is only good for one calendar year. Therefore, if our adoption is not completed within 12 months we have to apply for an extension. Fingers crossed (pardon the pun) that won't be necessary!

Tagging...or, what PAP's do to whittle away time while we wait for news!

Tagging is a way that PAPs (prospective adoptive parents) hang out on our blogs as we wait for our paperwork pregnancy to proceed (who knew I was so alliterative!?) Anyhow, I was tagged weeks ago and am just now getting to it! I am THE slacker blogger! I wear the crown sheepishly.

1. What time did you get up this morning? Too early- I stayed up studying last night. Ok, really, 8am (I work from home so commuting and work clothes take on a whole new meaning)

2. Diamonds or pearls? Depends on the occasion.

3. What was the last film you saw at the cinema? I can't remember! Agh!!! Grad school is consuming my life.

4. What is your favourite TV show? Anything on HGTV. I love nesting!

5. What do you usually have for breakfast? Whole wheat bagel

6. What is your middle name? Kept my last name as my middle name when I got married.

7. What food do you dislike? Anything with garlic.

8. What is your favourite CD at the moment? Anything by DMB. or, Jack Johnson.

9. What kind of car do you drive? 10 year old VW Jetta- we are saving for an international adoption, folks!

10. Favourite sandwich? Hmm...anything toasted, cheesy, and on a bagel.

11. What characteristic do you despise? Disrespect and ignorance.

12. Favourite item of clothing? PJ's

13. If you could go anywhere in the world on vacation, where would you go? Hard to say, I looove to get away- anywhere! I often think of a tropical beach, calypso music, and balmy breezes ...And, Russia is just TOO obvious an answer.

14. Favourite brand of clothing? I am not really a clothes horse these days..we are in save, save, save mode.

15. Where would you retire to? North Carolina- like almost everyone else in Florida! I would like a place on the beach and a place in the mountains!

16. What was your most recent memorable birthday? My recent 35th (gulp)! 31, oddly enough, was pretty fun, too! Weird and random year, I know. But it was a great year!

17. Favourite sport to watch? College football- Go Gators!

18. When is your birthday? September 26th

Are you a morning person or a night person? Night Night Night! Unless I am tired and then.. Morning, morning, morning! But, I am never grumpy in the morning!

20. What is your shoe size? Me and every other woman who trolls the sales racks- 8.5!

21. Pets? Two Golden Retrievers who are "energetic" =)

22. Any new and exciting news you'd like to share with us? I think I have figured out my dissertation topic! WAHOOOOOO!!!! Well, it's exciting to me- but I have no delusions of grandeur and can completely anticipate boring everyone with the details. Essentially, I am examining how school leaders "make sense" of state policies- especially with regard to the idea of competition in public schools (i.e. online education, charter schools, etc). Still reading? In particular, I am interested in the "political" aspect of how compliant a principal is in implementing the policy. And, by political I mean how a superintedent or school district exert informal influence in how the school principal constructs meaning. Don't say I didn't warn you.

23. What did you want to be when you were little? A lawyer, but I hate arguing. Fundamental flaw, I know.

24. How are you today? So-so...wondering when all of the paperwork and documentation will be done. ***sigh***

25. What is your favourite candy(lollie/chocolate)? I know this sounds un-American, but I don't really like candy. I am much more a fan of an ooey, gooey, chocolate brownie.

26. What is your favourite flower? Camillas

27. What is a day on the calendar you are looking forward to? Thanksgiving! Unequivocally!

28. What is your full name? Gillian

29. What are you listening to right now? I am watching CSI: Miami! I don't think David Caruso means to be funny, but his acting skills are fantastic! His use of sunglasses as a prop is inspiring. Plus, it's awesome to watch the old hometown!

30. What was the last thing you ate? A roast beef sandwich on whole wheat bread.

31. Do you wish on stars? Not really- although I love to see all of them on a clear, crisp night.

32. If you were a crayon, what colour would you be? Green

33. How is the weather right now? Unseasonably warm- I am ready for another cold front!

34. The first person you spoke to on the phone today? One of the teachers in my schoolhouse.

35. Favourite soft drink? Diet Pepsi

36. Favourite restaurant? Bella Bella!

37. Real hair colour? "Dark" blonde- really mousy brown, but recently with gray streaks! AAGGHHH!!!

38. What was your favourite toy as a child? Any book.

39. Summer or winter? Summer. Winter. Fall. Spring. I love the change of seasons- I am usually ready for which ever one is next when it comes!

40. Hugs or kisses? Hugs

41. Chocolate or Vanilla? Chocolate

42. Coffee or tea? Hot chocolate with whipped cream. I don't drink coffee or tea.

43. When was the last time you cried? Today. The aforementioned teacher's dad passed away from cancer yesterday and I had been a part of his diagnosis, prognosis, and hospice. I knew how important he is to her and her son. Her loss just made me sad. And want to hug everyone in my life harder.

44. What is under your bed? "Winter"ish clothes- I live in Tallahassee, y'all. And, in a small, old house- every possible space is storage!

45. What did you do last night? Studied for my mid-term that was tonight. Blech.

46. What are you afraid of? Being unfair to someone.

47. Salty or sweet? Salty...I love Salt bagels...delish!

48. How many keys on your key ring? 3

49. How many years at your current job? 1

50. Favorite day of the week? Friday. Evening. after 5. The weekend has so many possibilities.

51. How many places have you lived in? 4

52. Do you make friends easily? Yes! Yes! Yes! Of course, group work in grad school makes that answer easy!

Famous last words...

How funny is that my last post was about being committed to posting ...and then I didn't post for 3 weeks! Hilarious!!!! It was my full intention to update our blog at least weekly. Ahh..the best laid plans.

So, you should be asking what I have been doing with all of my free time. So much! Since we last posted we have...completed our life album, completed the Hague International Adoption Education requirement, and RECEIVED OUR HOME STUDY! Wahoo!!!!!

Our Life Album
Our social worker asked that in order to prepare for our adoption we create a scrapbook of our lives, including our home, our families, and our "puppos"! We spent an alarming amount of money creating one, but it is done! We collected pictures from our families and friends and organized them to tell our story. And, then I "bedazzled" the pages with stickers and three dimensional objects and glitter. I am not sure what I need to do with it next, but it's done!

Hague Internation Adoption Education requirement
While I don't know the evolution of the Hague requirements, I do know that the Hague Conventions are established guidelines to ensure children who need homes are placed in loving families with the highest ethics possible. For those of you not actively involved in the adoption community, it would probably shock you to know that there have been some pretty strong allegations of "baby-knapping" - that is, that some infants have been taken from mothers who did not want them to be adopted and placed within the adoption system. In the most general terms, the Hague Conventions are a set of guidelines to prevent this kind of exploitation. Part of the conventions require an educational component for prospective adoption parents. It is a ten hour course about issues related to culture, attachment, bonding, medical issues, and various other topics relevant to adopting. We completed this course! WAHOO! We even got a certificate!

Home Study
And, ta da(!), our home study is complete! Complete! COMPLETE! This is a huge step!!! A home study is a study of house (the physical components of it), ourselves as individuals, and ourselves as a couple. It also includes an examination of our finances and how we anticipate having a child will change our lives. We met with our social worker as a couple and individually multiple times. There were many, many forms to complete with lots of questions. It feels so good to be able to "check that off our to do list"!!

So, what is our next step?
Well, we have to submit our documents to the US Immigration and Customs Service for pre-approval to continue the adoption. Once we get these documents off (hopefully, by Friday), we will need to travel to Jacksonville for finger printing (this would be the third time). Of course, there are fees associated with this paperwork. Once these documents are processed, the ticker starts as they are only good for one year. Our home study is only good for a year as well, but that's an 'easy' fix- we just meet with our social worker again for an update meeting. If these documents expire we have to either complete an extension before they expire or re-do them (and pay again). In a few weeks, we will begin compiling our dossier. A dossier is the file of documents that the Russian government requires. Each document has to be original and apostilled (stamped by the Secretary of State for Florida)- good news, since we live in Tallahassee this should be "easy."

The dossier will be submitted to our agency who will present it to the Ministry of Education in Russia in a particular region. The agency who is assisting us in the international component of our adoption works in nine regions, like Moscow, Siberia, and Vladivostok. We will be matched with a region based on what is a good fit for our family based on the documents we have submitted. So...our next BIG news will be when we find out which region in Russia our little one(s) are coming home from. We can't wait to post that blog!

I am committed to providing updates...or should I be committed?

OK, mental health is no laughing matter. So, before anyone emails me about being potentially insensitive, please know that I think our country needs to do more, earlier, and with less stigma than we currently do for those who suffer from mental health problems. I also recognize that some of society ills are caused by our lack of attention to this issue.

With that disclaimer in mind, I have no idea what I was thinking with all of the different activities that I am involved in this fall! Actually, I do..more on that in a second. However, I think I am going to frame it all with the hope that I am just preparing myself for how busy my life will get when our little munchkin or munchkins come home to Matt and I. It has not been lost on me that most bloggers are dedicated to their updates before they bring their little ones home. And, then, like Ohio States hopes of a national championship in football, they are gone. (I AM a Gator, after all).

Seriously, this update is more of a "G and Matt" update rather than an adoption update because THERE IS NOTHING TO REPORT. **sigh** Our only adoption news is that I have begun to work on our lifebook scrapbook. I have contacted family and friends near and far and asked for pictures of Matt and I. Thank you to everyone who has sent us some. We have them printed out and sorted by theme. Next step, actually making the scrapbook. I went to a local craft store and purchased 2 sets of scrapbooks because I couldn't decide which one I liked better. Of course, I brought them home and Matt and I looked at the styles, colors, and inserts to determine which one we liked better. Now, I need to go return the one not selected and purchase "embellishments" and decorative pages. Who knew scrapbooking was so complicated? I know that I am probably making it waaaayyy more difficult than it needs to be, but its a book that represents us. How difficult is THAT?

So, as my mind spins aimlessly about our adoption, I have chosen to distract myself with a ridiculous schedule: full time work, full time student, fall football season, company and traveling and responsibilities at the local university-all of the reasons why I am feeling overwhelmed.

Unlike a biological pregnancy, with an adoption there isn't a clear end in sight. There is no "due date." I recognize that most due dates are not accurate, but generally for a non-premature birth, you kinda know how much time you have to prepare for a child. With an adoption, we can move quickly through the process, as in six-nine months. Or, we can move slowly. There really is no way to know how long the adoption will take until you are in the middle of it. Essentially, it's only when the months tick off the calendar with no referral do you realize just how long the process will take. So, I am not quite sure if and when we are actually supposed to be working on tasks around the house- i.e. painting the nursery, purchasing clothes, toys, books, and furniture, a baby gate for the pool. It kinda feels too early to be doing those things. And, who wants to jinx the process?

So an update on us...

We are still waiting for the contractor to help us with our Tropical Storm Fay damage. Hopefully, one day this week he will be able to get us on his schedule. While our damage was not extensive, we do need to replace a door, fix a ceiling and fix our back porch.

Matt sees the light at the end of the tunnel for his graduate degree. He anticipates finishing his Master's in May (be on the lookout for that post). By the end of December, I will need to make some pretty big decisions about my coursework. I need to decide if I am going to continue the PhD track or switch over to the EdD. track. The difference between the two is significant and may have long term consequences. If I want to pursue an academic career at a research I university, I will need to continue with the PhD. If I want to remain a practitioner or work at a non-research I institution, then an EdD is perfectly acceptable. The difference is in the cost between the two (about $15,000) and the length of time my coursework will take (another 12 months full time or 24 months part time) are factors in my decision. It is something that I am struggling with as I am not sure exactly what I want to do when I grow up. It's the same kind of decision women everywhere face as they seek to find balance between the sometime competing interests of work, homelife, and personal ambitions.

And, really, I know that when our little munchkin or munchkins come home all of this waffling will be moot.

Where have all my elementary school teacher friends gone?

Along the "hurry up and wait" theme for this week...our home study is coming along. Our domestic social worker is working with our international agency to make sure that it is aligned to both the standards required by the US government and the standards required by the Russian government. I really appreciate all the hardwork our social worker has done. Yes, she is paid. But, between all of the interviews and home visits, she has become an important part of the process (there is that word again!).

While we wait for this part of the process to be completed and approved to be submitted to our government for the USCIS (immigration) approval, we have gotten the "go ahead" to work on our life books. Yes, I have been given the task of making scrapbooks! WAHOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!! Ok, really, not so much. I need to construct a scrapbook that tells our story. To my elementary school teacher friends...where are you? Anyone? Ideas? Suggestions?

And this is how adoption goes...

So, week before last was so exciting-we were wrapping up our home study and got our blog started. Then, this week, nothing. For those of you new to the adoption world (as if I am not) I understand this is how it goes: hurry up, hurry up faster (someone needs some document postmarked by 5pm TODAY), turn it in to the appropriate personnel, and then wait. And wait some more. And, when you think you can't possibly wait any longer and you are going to crawl out of your skin- you wait some more. I have learned most about waiting from the other blogs I read.

For my friends and family who know me, I am a very patient person- after all, I spent 12 years working with MIDDLE school students and 2 years working with politicians. What about my professional practice hasn't taught me that my plan and someone else's plan usually doesn't match? Ever try to teach a 7th grader about geography at 10:45 in the morning? Or an 8th grader reading at 7:30 am? Or that a legislator, who "knows" how schools work (s/he attended one, y'know), may not have all the information necessary to make a decision that can affect millions of children and teachers?

But this is so different...

We are so excited to be on this journey, I don't know if I can contain myself. Matt seems to handle it with much more ease than me. Every time Matt and I go out, we look at a child and wonder- is that how old our child will be when we bring him or her home? We wonder if we will be lucky enough to parent one or two children? We wonder if we will have a son or a daughter (that's an easy one to think about- every prospective parent wonders that!)? We look at feet and fingers and toes and chubby fat rolls on legs and wonder if our child is being well taken care of today, right now, at this moment. Then, on some visceral level, we send our thoughts and prayers out to "the universe" that he or she IS being taken care of . (Sorry english teacher friends- I am ending a sentence with a preposition) Our minds wonder to the birth parent(s) and pray that whatever situation they find themselves in, that they find strength, solace, and peace. Invariably, our minds wonder back to our child or children and begin trying to figure out how we can "negotiate time" so that the days until we can be united pass quickly. All this happens in about sixty seconds- Multiple times per day. And, so far, that is how adoption goes...

In the beginning...

Suprise! We are expecting! Not in the traditional "bun in the oven", swollen feet, and midnight cravings kind of way- rather in the traveling to another country, being matched with a precious child or children (more on that later), and dealing with our own and foreign governments to prove that we can provide the safest and most loving home possible for a child or children.

We have been lurking and reading other PAP (prosepctive adoptive parent) blogs for many months now. And, today, we are striking out on our own. We have learned and laughed from all of the families that have gone before us. And, by "us", I mean me, Gillian. My honey bunny (dear husband) reads the highlights ( i.e when PAP meet their child) or lowlights (Vietnam, anyone?), but generally blogging will be my responsibility.

I look forward to sharing our story for our families and friends. Hopefully, laughing along with you so that when we bring home our children, our adoption journey to them will be shared with you- just like a growing belly, doctor appointment news, and maternity clothes might be shared.

Our goal- with all of its ups and downs- will be to chronicle our journey to "when we became three."