Waiting sucks!

Really, there is nothing profound about waiting. I have been checking my email regularly, and by regularly, I mean hourly - and by hourly I REALLY mean every 60 (maybe 45?) minutes or so of my waking hours- to see if our Social Worker has contacted us about a birth mother. And nothing. Matt even accused me of stalking her! So, I email her weekly...really, in my mind, maybe we are on a "post-it' to call the next possible presentation and I am just helping her out by expediting hitting the "reply" button instead of the "compose" button. Having worked in middle school in a large urban district (read: bureaucratic) for years one would think that I have the patience of Job. And, typically, I think I do. But, grr....this is hard. Especially when we were so close in December. The grief is getting better, but somehow to make sense of this wait, it's still kinda tough.

I am throwing myself back into the swing of classes (on top of work) and am hoping that I will be able to work on "baby-ish" stuff without jinxing the process. I am working on getting the glass topped tables out of the living room, finding spaces for extra storage, and organizing things in the vein hope that somehow I can measure it all as "progress" toward a placement and adoption. I even checked my horoscope today- " 'BIG' things in 2009" is what it said...Hopefully, the biggest "thing" will come in the smallest package.

Fingers and toes crossed for "THE CALL" this week.

At least I got my workout clothes on today!

Well, something about "the best laid plans"...I am procrastinating and I have no excuse. I admit it. Isn't that the first step in moving forward? I am diligently thinking about diet and exercise. I mean I think that I should limit my carbs, I think I should limit my sugars (even those drunk in alcohol), I think I should get moving..BUT..what is my problem? I have awesome support..Matt works out regularly, friends of mine maintain weight loss blogs, and I.have.no.motivation. I might even think that I am using graduate school as an excuse. What if my entire motivation for pursuing my doctorate is all about procrastinating about exercising? Well..I think I am going to do some laundry. and change out of my workout clothes.

um..excuse me..please pardon the non-post below..I got a little excited about having a chance to post so soon!

Well..hello again! Clearly, I was waaaaayyyy too excited that I had a chance to post - I hit the return button too soon (hehe). It's early in the semester so - while I have some time- I thought I would try to update our blog regularly. I really appreciate all of the support that I get from everyone who responds to my questions and posts. There are very few adoptive parents among our circle of close family and friends so the "blogosphere's" expertise is really helpful as we navigate our adoption journey. With that in mind, if there are any domestic adoption bloggers who are "lurking" out there, could you send me an email or a post so that I can read over your experiences? I have stumbled on amazing families and really use their stories as guide posts in our journey. But, I would also like to broaden my own horizons. And, because of our limited experiences, everything we read is a learning experience.

Also, does anyone have any recommendations of things that I could be doing now that will help once we are matched and bring home our little bean..You know the kind of "If I knew than what I know now I would have..."

Last night we had a chance to catch up with Shelly and Lucas, Matt's friends from college who lived in SFLA when we did. We had a blast reminiscing of South Florida and chatting up how we know 2009 is going to be awesome! BIG CONGRATS to Shelly who recently landed an amazing job! It's awesome when someone with so much talent is recognized for her work! And, as we were hanging out at a "cheese-tastic" watering hole, the people watching was FANTASTIC! I love college towns! And, at this particular venue, the citizenry was out in full fashion force..undergrads, lobbyists, lawyers, doctoral students, locals...we didn't know where to look or who to watch! It was an intersection of cultures!

Now, it's back to reality...papers, work, and cleaning- in that order.

I know, I know...you can't believe how much I am posting these days...enough already!

Football,Basketball, and Baseball-Ironically, I have no athletic talent

Well..BIG PROPS to the UNIVERSITY OF FLORIDA GATORS!!! Football National Champs! While I would have loved a game that looked a little more like the Thanksgiving rout of The Florida State Seminoles (sorry, Matt, Shelly, Lucas, Joe, and Liz), I am so proud of the Gators! And, to do it in Florida-AWESOME! While I didn't get to attend because of obligations in Tallahassee, many of my friends did! It looked like so much fun! Keeping in the athletic theme for the week, I attended my first collegiate basketball game (I attended UF during the NIT years). Although the 'Noles lost to Duke, it was super fun to watch. Coach K is amazing! Next up, baseball season is around the corner. Nothing gets better than listening the crack of the bat and catching some beautiful Florida sun in the springtime!

It's been a relatively uneventful adoption week-that's how we measure time. While I can't speak to other prospective adoptive parents, I can share that we measure time in parallel universes. There is our "regular" time and lives- work, class, errands, and life. And, then we have an adoption clock. It's not regulated per se -it's not measured in seconds, minutes, or days. It's measured in events. So far, this week, nothing. We are just hanging out in the stack. Our paperwork hangs in a folder of a cabinet in our social worker's office. We have signed up for a required parenting class for state adoptions so hopefully we will get a seat in the April class (the next one offered).

However, we do have a question for adoptive parents who have blazed the trail before us...At what point do we start collecting baby stuff? You know..the crib, the sheets, all the "stuff"? On one hand we feel like we are "jinxing" it by starting to get things now. On the other, it is one way we can feel like we have some measure of "control." And, I am slowly realizing, there is A LOT of stuff to get!

Ok..enough about adoption..a "divided" house bleeds Orange and Blue for the evening!!!!

"Ring, phone, ring!"

As I mentioned on our most recent post, we have switched over to domestic adoption. This process is very different. Essentially, we wait until a birth mother (or her social worker) contacts our adoption agency and social worker. Once she makes contact, she creates a profile of adoptive parents. Then, the adoption agency matches her profile with the available prospective adoptive parents profiles. She then selects adoptive parents based on the profiles she reviews. The birth mother may chose to meet the prospective adoptive parents or may not.

Regardless of that component of the process, we wait to "get the call" from our social worker that a birth mother is reviewing our profile (among others), a call that our profile is selected,  a call that the birth mother has made an adoption plan, a call that the baby was born, and a call to pick up the baby. We could be a part of the pregnancy, a part of the birth, or just called to pick up the baby. Clearly, the phone is my friend. I check it many, many times a day. 

Now that we have talked about the process, let me tell you how it feels. Remember the first time you interviewed for something big- college, a job, or you met your mate? It kinda feels like that. We have butterflies. Remember after you interviewed and you waited to find out if you "got it"? The anxiety we feel kinda feels like that. Remember when you and your first love broke up? That sense of devastation? When an adoption plan falls through, it can feel like that. 

It is as if our hearts are outside of our bodies.

We can speak of these feelings because we have experienced them. Recently we were presented to a birth mother who selected us as one of two "finalists." The feedback we got was that she really liked us. And, we were told to "be by our phone." And, then we waited. And, waited. And, waited. Hours turned into days which turned into a couple of weeks. We were tense and anxious and excited. And then we learned that she delivered the baby. And, then we learned that she decided to not place the baby. She chose to parent. And, while we are happy that her circumstances changed so that she could parent, we were devastated at the same time. 

So, we go back into the pile and wait for the next go around.

Is that the phone ringing???????